~INDIVIDUALITY: The New Abnormal~

Growing up I was always told "be yourself, be different, be UNIQUE" but it seems like that isn't as easy as It used to be. With out trying all through out school I was a "different" kid. I didn't fit in with any certain group, and I liked it! Now as an adult I am trying to find my way in life and not succeeding as well as I would have liked. I love being a wife and I love being a mom, but I want to love being me. I think that is a struggle many of us have, not knowing who we are.

As a young child I loved drawing, but even then I knew it wasn't going to be my thing. I dabbled in some other things like skateboarding, biking, soccer, football, pretty much any type of sport or things that would get my adrenalin moving. I also tried singing, so not my thing! Then I got to middle school and realized I liked taking pictures of anything and everything, and I was quite good. But I didn't have a decent camera and thought hey I have a while before I will be able to pursue photography so I put it off for the most part. I tossed around some other cool things but was still really interested in photography.

I soon realized I was really good at taking care of kids, so that became my thing for awhile (and still is). I would take every opportunity to baby sit even with out pay because I loved being really good at some thing and being able to do it on a regular basis. I continued doing child care all through out high school, and taking a few pictures to keep my talent fresh. After high school I became a nanny for my brother and sister-in-law and it was amazing. My goal was to go to school in the fall for early childhood education and take some photography classes too. I moved in to a different place which made it harder to be a nanny, I was not able to pay for school and wanted to avoid getting student loans, so I planned to get a different job, work and save for a year, then go to school. Well I got married and had a baby and decided to wait even longer, because I wanted to be a stay at home mom.

While I was pregnant with my second I realized EVERYONE does photography, and it kind of broke my heart. When I first became interested in photography and even up until the last year barley anyone I knew was a photographer and now I feel like every time I turn around someone from school, or another complete stranger pops up with the ability to take a great photo and get it published. It took me until just recently to realize WHO CARES! If this is something I love to do more than anything I need to use every asset I have to continue forward. Taking pictures may be some thing everyone does, but every photo is different, just as every photographer, or whatever YOU want to do is. No 2 people, no 2 talents, and no 2 object are exactly a like. It may appear that way to the naked eye, but everything is different in its own wonderfully, amazing way. My goal (in this particular area) Is to be the best photographer I can be, to show people the beauty in life through another persons eyes. Even though my camera is not even close to being high quality I am going to use it as if it were.

So, whether you are 5, 15, or 50 don't let anyone kill your dreams. That includes yourself, because you are your own worst critic.Even if it seems like everyone around has the same one, all you need to make it your own is YOU.

I Caught The Bug!

    I have finally caved in to the what seems to be a very contagious trend! As soon as our store bought items get used up I am going to make small batches of homemade, dishwasher detergent, stain remover, laundry detergent, fabric softener, and anything else related to cleaning. I am super excited! I didn't think it would catch on with me just because I never thought of myself as a DIY kind of person, but today I realized I don't have to be a certain type of person to make things. :)

    It's funny I am sure many of you relate, but as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) I feel like I never have time to do anything for myself and yet I am going to try to add in concocting new ways to clean clothes. As this is not the first time I have added more to my plate, my theory is that maybe the more things I can squeeze in for myself, no matter how simple they are the more organized and sane I feel. Possibly because it keeps my focus off the craziness I can't control... :)

  
    I am still researching and trying to get together a few different ways to make everything so I can be sure to find what fits my family. When I get things figured out I will be sure to post results, hopefully with pictures because they are always more appealing.

Keep It Together!

A lot of things going on lately...

Having a hard time dealing with some things that have happened I feel like I am being torn in so many different directions. My family has never been that close and it has always affected me negatively, but we are currently going through something pretty big. One of my siblings was taken out of my mom's care because someone at their school decided to convince them they were better off some where else. They has been gone since September and I have only seen this family member twice since then and it is killing me because I used to see them often. Well we are trying to make it so they can come live with us and my mom has agreed but the other people are doing everything they can to keep my sibling away. (let refer to this sibling as Morgan, it seems to be a gender neutral name) Right now apparently the biggest concern is school, we were trying to set it up to where Morgan can finish school online this year and then we would enroll Morgan in another school next year since we are moving out of state. The school offers online courses but we are out of district so they wont let Morgan finish the last month and a half online. So I am currently looking into ways Morgan can finish school this year... Another issue of mine with this whole situation is that the people Morgan is staying with have say over whether or not holidays get to be spent with family and that is just wrong.



Another thing on my plate is when my son was about 18 months old I was concerned about his speech and wanted to do but people including the pediatrician said he was fine, it's because he was an only child ( now I have a 3 month old too) and to wait until he turned and then we would see if I was still worried. Well he turned 2 a couple months ago I told the pediatrician I was still worried and would like to have him evaluated. It took awhile but the therapist finally called back and we set up an appointment, which was today and after his evaluation I was informed that my son is 6-9 months behind in his receptive speech (how he understands and responds) and 3-6 months behind in his expressive (how he communicates). When I found out I was so disappointed in myself that I didn't push harder for it in the first place. I did everything I could at home working with him as soon as I thought there was something up. The therapist assured me that I did everything right and sometimes kids do so well in other areas that this gets looked over as just a toddler thing. I am just glad that I stood my ground this time.



Then there is moving... I absolutely hate moving even when we are just moving a short distance, but now it is to a different state. Thousands of mile away from most of my family, packing by myself, (my hubby is leaving earlier to start his job and find us a place) and moving with a 30 month old and an 8 month old will not be a picnic. This will definitely be out of my comfort zone, but I think it is the right thing for us to do right now so I am being (well trying to be) supportive of my husbands dreams and doing what I have to for my family.



I know I ranted a lot, but hey maybe someone out there will cross my page and have some helpful advise... I'm just not ready to share all this with friends and family. :)

Learning To Be A Mom All Over Again

     Isn't it crazy how different each of our children are, and yet we love them just the same?? I love it!
As I am sitting here spending time with my 3 month old daughter (WOW already!) I realize she is almost the exact opposite of her brother. She took to nursing so easily, but it took lots of hard work to be able to get my son to EBF for just a month. Which lead to a difference in the way they grew. L (my son) started at 9lbs 7oz but had such a struggle with getting him to eat and lost a good deal of weight at his 6 week check up he was 9lbs 12oz. You would never guess after seeing him these days. Now, he is such a strong and healthy toddler. A (my daughter) was 8lbs 6oz and was 12lbs 6oz at her 6 week check up and is still growing. A wont sleep in her own bed very long especially at night she "needs" to be with me to sleep ( i love it but would like a few hours to myself) and she always wants to be snuggled and loved on which I am super excited about. L was independent, he didn't want to be held as much he hated being rocked to sleep and would not sleep well if I tried to co-sleep.
     There are many other things I am starting to notice as A gets older but I will spare you of all the wonderful details of the differences between my children. :) With noticing their differences I know that I need to show them I love them in different ways that meet their specific needs. I'm still learning what that is for the both of them since they are still little but it doesn't change how much I love them or the fact that I would do anything for the both of them. Learning to be the mom they need me to be is not always easy but it's worth it to be able to know doing my best will more than likely lead them to do their best.